Sadness after Happiness

I had such a happy day yesterday celebrating my 56th birthday.  I felt so relaxed, even though going to work usually gives me stress.  However, I was able to re-energize my spirits through relaxation and the many joys experienced during my birthday.  I got up early and felt that I could conquer the world.  Unfortunately, sadness was soon to come.

Not long after I arrived at work I received news that a person in my staff passed during the weekend.  It was a sudden death.  Shocking.  I have spoken with her a few days ago and she seemed happy with her usual cheery attitude.  Then today, she is gone.  It’s not easy to write about this.  I have spent almost all day crying, thinking about her, thinking about how fragile life is.

We make plans, we worry about things, we think we are in control and then we realize when someone dies that control is an illusion and that not much that happens around you at work is important compared to the loss of a life.  Death reminds us that we should live every minute as it was our last; that what’s important in life are the relationships that we have with our loved ones; that nothing else matters much.

I have been thinking a lot today about one of Queen’s songs that I heard at the movie that we watched a couple of days ago (Bohemian Rhapsody movie).  The title of the song is ‘Who Wants to Live Forever.’  No one lives forever, but I want to say that I want to live forever.  I don’t want to die.  I have so many things that I want to do.

The loss that I experienced today reinforces my project.  I’m glad I started this blog.  I’m glad that I’m not waiting for any special signs (I have received many already).  I want to follow my dream now.  I want to live everyday feeling that I contributed to my life’s purpose.   Whatever time I have in this world I want to use to do what I enjoy — and that is writing.  Like Hamilton, I don’t want to throw away my shot!