My thoughts in 1984 – A time capsule found

Last week, as I was digging into a drawer, I found a time capsule from 1984.  My discovery, as I opened the pink binder adorned with flowers, was exhilarating.  Inside the binder were traces of my life from 35 years ago.  More astounding were the memories that took life again as I opened the treasure.

The year 1984 marked important events in my life.  I graduated from college in Puerto Rico that year.  I also transitioned into my new life in Michigan, as I departed Puerto Rico to attend graduate school.  These two very important events were forever linked into the binder, reflecting a turn in my life that will forever change me.  Or maybe not?

What was perplexing is that while going through the pieces of paper that I carefully folded and kept for years to come, I discovered that my soul has not changed.  Despite the many life turns and experiences during 35 years, I could easily relate to my feelings in 1984, as if time has not passed.

I felt overwhelming joy and melancholy at the same time.  I was happy to re-discover friendships impressed in greeting cards from my college days in Puerto Rico and from those who I met in graduate school.  I recognized all the names, but some are not part of my life today, bringing sadness and longing.

I read a poem from a friend, releasing emotions not forgotten.  I also read a letter meant for my college friends as I said goodbye – the paper and ink intact.  The letter touched on the many feelings of friendship that I so much wanted to leave for posterity in a piece of paper locked away in the binder.  I could not remember if I ever sent the letter to my friends.  The letter was full of emotion.  Did I had the courage to share it with my friends?  My memory failed to recall what I did, so I decided to send them the letter last week, as a reminder of my lasting love and friendship.

The binder also unveiled small cutouts with thoughts written by others.  As I read the words of wisdom, a puzzle started to come together.  The cutouts were from newsletters from my dorm during my first semester at the University of Michigan.  Since I was a teenager, I have always liked to collect quotes.  I found comfort in reading quotes that connected with my own thoughts.  It was as if strangers could read my mind – knowing who I was or wanted to be.  I ended up with a notebook full of reflections from poets and writers.  The notebook was left behind in my bedroom in Puerto Rico.   However, the urge to preserve words of wisdom, which aligned with my own beliefs, never left me.  Thus, it was not a surprise that I have continued to collect written quotes that appeared in a hidden corner of the dorm newsletter – the section entitled ‘fuzzy words.’

As I relived the memories, a realization came to mind.  The letters and cutouts from 1984 revealed a love for writing that has always being part of my soul.  The letter to my friends showed me that I always yearned to put my thoughts on paper, wanting to capture and preserve the fragile and elusive feelings of my soul.  The cutouts from the dorm newsletters illustrated my fascination for the written word.

I have always found magic in writing.  In a mystical turn of the universe, I find myself today where I was in 1984 – listening to my soul and writing my thoughts and feelings in this blog.

Because you – the reader – are also part of my journey, I wanted to share some of the quotes that I discovered in the binder.  They opened a window to where I was in 1984.  But they also connect with who I am today.  The quotes have a way to awaken the character and desires of my soul.

I hope you enjoy the quotes below, as much as I did reading them again.  I also hope that you can find inspiration for your own journey.  Enjoy!

“We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it — and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove lid.  She will never sit on a hot stove lid again, and that is well; but she will never sit on a cold one anymore.” — Mark Twain

“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a little bit better whether by a healthy child, a garden path, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.  This is to have succeeded.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Why didn’t you walk around the hole,” asked the Tin Woodsman. “I don’t know enough,” replied the Scarecrow cheerfully, “my head is stuffed with straw, you know, and that is why I am going to Oz to ask him for some brains.”  “Oh, I see.  But, after all, brains are not the best things in the world,” said the Tin Woodsman. “Have you have any?” inquired the Scarecrow.  “No, my head is quite empty,” answered the Woodsman, “but once I had brains, and a heart also; so having tried both, I should rather have a heart.” — The Wizard of Oz

“You may not see it now,” said the Princess of Pure Reason, looking knowingly at Milo’s puzzled face, “but whatever we learn has a purpose and whatever we do affects everything and everyone else, if even in the tiniest way….”And it’s much the same with knowledge, for whenever you learn something new, the whole world becomes that much richer.” — Norton Juster, The Phantom Tollbooth 

“And remember, also,” added the Princess of Sweet Rhyme, “that many places you would like to see are just off the map and many things you want to know are just out of sight or a little beyond your reach.  But someday you’ll reach them all, for what you learn today, for no reason at all, will help you discover all the wonderful secrets of tomorrow.” — Norton Juster, The Phantom Tollbooth 

 

 

Our Anniversary – Serendipity

My husband and I celebrated our anniversary yesterday, as we do every year.  This is not the usual wedding anniversary, but a celebration of the day we met – February 12, 1993.

It has been 26 years since we met at a St. Valentine’s party at the clubhouse of the apartment complex where we both lived.  It was a wintry night.  I remembered vividly what I was wearing.  I loved my creamy white sweater that my sister gave me for my birthday a couple of months before – perfect for the cold February night.  I also wore a long golden chain necklace with an iridescent white oval pendant – also a gift from my sister to accompany my birthday sweater.

Saturday night arrived and I did not have anything else to do, so I went to the party.  I do not remember how much debate went on my mind before I decided to attend.  I would not consider myself the ‘social’ type, so I do not remember me going to many gatherings at the clubhouse.  Maybe this was the only one?  But it did not matter what happened before that night or how much thought went into my decision.  The truth is that destiny was taking hold of my life and serendipity was my guide.

There were a few dozen people at the party.  Some came and went quickly after going through the food line.  Others lingered.  I do not remember the crowd, but I will never forget the moment when my life changed forever.  I met my soul mate.

I remember sitting in the living room area of the clubhouse, with maybe three or four people around me.  We were introducing ourselves and suddenly I heard four words that raised my level of attention.

“I am from Idaho,” my (now) husband said.

And that was the start of our soul relationship.  Not many people know about Idaho, but I did.  I lived in Idaho a couple of years after graduating from graduate school.  I have just recently returned back to Michigan when we met.  In fact, I lived in the same town where my husband was from.  And it got even more astonishing as we continued to talk through the night.  Everyone else around us began to disappear as my senses focused on only one person in the room.

It was serendipity.  We do not have any doubts about that.  We were meant to meet at that particular time and place.  We learned that we worked at the same company and office building in Idaho for several months during the summer of 1992, when my husband was doing a summer internship.  He worked for a different department, but our sections were not that far apart in the building.  In fact, when he described one of the summer projects, I remembered seeing a display about it.  But we never met there.  It was not the right time.  Then we started exchanging names of friends and acquaintances from Idaho.  Later on I learned that my previous boss in Idaho knew my father-in-law relatively well.  One more thing.  I found out that my father-in-law also worked for the same company.

After the wondrous evening, we began to realize that we have shared personal connections that were hard to believe or understand, if not for their magical meaning.  We never met in Idaho because it would not have worked then.  Many of my friends and family questioned why I took the job in Idaho.  Now I know, and they know, why.  I needed to be in Idaho so I can experience my husband’s hometown in preparation for our fateful meeting on February 12, 1993.  I liked my job in Idaho very much.  I learned a lot and I was able to use my expertise in a meaningful way.  But after a couple of years, I felt that I needed to come back to Michigan.  Something was pulling me back.  Destiny was waiting for the right moment to spell its magic.  And it happened on that evening where two soul mates met.

Beyond the circumstances surrounding the Idaho connection, we also realized that there was a very small window of opportunity for our souls to bond.  My husband closed on the house that we live in a week after we met.  He had already decided to move on from the apartment and had put an offer on a house.  I did not exist in his life when he bought the house.  He was prepared to take the big step of home ownership as a single man.  If it was not for the stars aligning on February 12, we probably would not have met.  It was meant to be on that day.  I popped up in my husband’s life just in time, and the rest is history.

We started dating immediately.  He asked me to a hockey game – my first hockey game ever!  He brought me a hockey sweatshirt for me to wear to the game.  I still have the sweatshirt!  We went to movies, dinners, antique shows, car shows, jazz concerts, and many other events.  He got me involved in car racing, although I already had a soft spot for cars because of my dad.  The love of cars was yet one other thing we had in common.  We became, and still are, inseparable.  We enjoyed each other’s company during our dating years – and still do today.  There are many things that I would like to write about our love relationship.  I will get into more details later.  For now, I wanted to focus on how we met.

I have always believed in magic.  I believe that the unbelievable is possible.  I believe in the impossible.  I believe that there is a force in the universe that sometimes gives a nudge to make things happen just right.  We were blessed by that magic.

My husband and I are soul mates.  We were meant to be together.  We believe that our love is special and forever.  After 26 years together, we still hold hands, we kiss in public, we embrace each other, we hug, and we express our love in as many ways as we can.  Our eyes are always gazing at each other as they did the first time when we met.  “I love you” are the most frequently words that we tell each other every day, always with a kiss, at the beginning and end of each day.  With those words, we pay tribute and gratitude to the single point in time where our souls met and our lives became one.

And that is why we celebrate the day we met.  Nothing else would have been possible if not for that blissful day in our love history.

Thank you Universe!  Cheers to Serendipity!

 

 

 

My Shot! I want to be Hamilton!

If you are a Hamilton musical fan a lot of these thoughts will make sense.  If you are not, I hope that you can follow my thoughts anyway.

Funny how things appear in your path and impact your life….destiny? Serendipity?

A little over a year has passed since my 55th birthday. That birthday started a seed that now I’m finally beginning to see grow into this blog that I started on my 56th birthday.

For my 55th birthday, I went to Chicago to see ‘Hamilton: An American Musical.’ I was filled with excitement. It seemed that every other soul, but my husband and I, has seen Hamilton – the most popular musical in many years. I knew a little about the musical, but mostly that it was very popular in Broadway and that his creator was from a family from Puerto Rico. The creator was Lin-Manuel Miranda. Beyond that, I didn’t know much about the story line or everything else about the book from which the musical was based on. Actually, I didn’t even know that there was a book until after I saw the musical. I have heard that the musical was awesome, great from co-workers and news. Because of my lack of knowledge, I thought it was a good idea to read/learn a bit about ‘Hamilton’ before heading to Chicago. I didn’t want to be lost during the performance. As my husband and I were waiting for the train to Chicago, I went to Wikipedia. The article was short and I got a taste for what was to come, as I read and share with my husband the ‘cliff notes’ for ‘Hamilton.’ Thank you Wikipedia!

Nothing out there could have prepared me for what was to come…. My experience was out of this world. I felt connected to the musical in a way that I still can’t quite fully describe or explain. It was such an emotional experience. There were so many similarities…Is this why I felt an immediate connection?

Hamilton – an immigrant from the Caribbean – was working hard against all odds to become a founding father. Fast forwarding more than two centuries, I found my life reflected in front of me as I was watching the musical. From that day on, the lyrics are always on my mind!

I felt so much pride when I saw ’Hamilton.’ But it was so much more…the Puerto Rico connection (the hurricane)…the immigrant…the passion…the search for something more…the feeling that there is a purpose…the need for something more…the idea of not giving up… (Non-stop)…the inexplicable fire in my chest and head of thousands of thoughts/words wanting to come out…the love of writing…the love of writing!

My SHOT! What an inspiration! What about my shot? What is supposed to be my place in history?

RISE UP! Don’t give up! Don’t give up your dream. What is supposed to be my legacy? What am I leaving behind after I’m gone? Is this the reason why I’m coming back to writing? I want to leave something behind, something for posterity – my legacy? But it is so much more than that….Hamilton fired up my engine again. Hamilton lit up a fire within me that I was struggling to keep alive.

I have been down lately – depressed? I have been searching for answers, searching for inspiration, searching for a reason to go on, searching for happiness, searching for ‘my purpose.’

JUST YOU WAIT!

It is up to me to do what I want, to follow my dream…to write! I love it. This is the one thing that comes without effort. I have so many thoughts that I want to share. It feels so good to write them. They flow freely and I can’t contain them. Why should I? I should go back to writing. It really doesn’t matter what happens with my writings. Let the future, my destiny, evolve…Let the happiness…

RISE UP!

I have been talking (writing) about finding my purpose for a while. I’m not waiting any longer.

DON’T THROW AWAY YOUR SHOT!

We only have one life. I should pursue my purpose, my happiness, my freedom. I need to lead my life. It is all up to me, not to others. It is not about my job. It is about what I do with my free time. What I pursue because it brings me joy, not because I have to, but because I want to.

Hamilton brought hope, re-alignment, re-focus, pride – an immigrant from the Caribbean achieving greatness/success. Hamilton shook my core and my soul, but in a positive way. Hamilton reminded me that our ‘inside forces’ are stronger than ‘outside factors.’ That drive, passion, and perseverance can move mountains. That achievement is self-driven, not given. Hamilton reminded me that I too can write and express myself and do it because I ‘feel’ those feelings and I have the thoughts. The thoughts and feelings are real because they are mine. No one can tell me otherwise. My purpose and goal is not to convince, but to be honest and true to myself – to be something more than what’s in sight, to give a voice to my soul, to experience the freedom and happiness that comes from being myself. There is a ‘purity’ (wholesomeness) that comes with the freedom of expression – an indescribable feeling of giving ‘life’ to your soul. It is like an adventure in exploring oneself in a way that no one else can, without doubts, regrets…let the pen flow, guide you, be honest, be true, be pure, be you!

DON’T THROW AWAY YOUR SHOT!

Maybe I’m not writing a novel, an autobiography, a memoir. Maybe I’m just supposed to write my thoughts, ideas. Maybe they are valuable to others? But even if they are not…they are valuable to me and they need to come out…they need to be written down. Doing anything short of that would be like killing my soul, like drowning the beauty of freedom, like betraying myself, my life, who I am, my purpose, my SHOT!

I’M NOT THROWING AWAY MY SHOT!

This is my revolution! This is my time! This is my happiness! This is my path! This is my purpose. This is me!